Sam Mikulak opens up about his battle with perfection
Two-time Olympian Sam Mikulak has been USA gymnastics’ golden boy for almost a decade, portraying happiness, but not actually feeling it.
The six-time U.S. all-around champion shared his mental health journey and advice during a USA Gymnastics athlete-driven panel on Monday, along with trampoline Olympian Steven Gluckstein and former acrobatic national team member Jessica Renteria. The three panelists opened up about their past struggles in the demanding sport and how they have grown to tackle them as part of programming for Mental Health Awareness Month.
For Mikulak, his struggle was a blend of immense self pressure and avoidance of internal conflict. For years, the gymnast refused to address the fears and worries consuming him.
“For so long I was not tackling them, I would just ignore them,” Mikulak said. “I never wanted to be the gymnast that was weak or had issues.”
In an effort to cover up his faults, the gymnast’s performances on the big stage were jeopardized.
“I was not in the moment.”
– Sam Mikulak on his mental health inhibiting his success on the world stage
Mikulak pinned down the three major chokes of his career: the all-around final at the 2013 World Championships, 2016 Olympic floor finals, and the all-around final at the 2018 World Championships. On all three occasions, he had the chance to win gold or make the podium, but the wrong headspace inhibited him from success in any of them.
“All of a sudden, you blink and you’ve made all these mistakes, and you don’t even remember what happened,” Mikulak said. “I was not in the moment.”
The 28-year-old attributed this to chasing the wrong goals; the goals of fame and perfection rather than the personal drive to enjoy the sport. This mindset didn’t allow him to feel present during competition.
After years of build-up and unhappiness in the gym, he reached a breaking point to seek self-reflection.
Mikulak said that sports psychology was offered to him when he first joined the national team, but ten years ago, the stigma around therapy was uninviting. After making the realization that therapy could be a good resource for anyone of any mental state, he was able to better accept his internal battles.
“That was a big shift that I have had over the past couple years,” Mikulak said. “[Therapy] is also just a great resource to use to make yourself better, even if you are in a strong mental health state.”
Mental preparation could make the difference in Mikulak’s final Olympics
In mental preparation for his third Olympic appearance this summer in Tokyo, Mikulak looked back on his time at his previous two games.
“I really wish going into the 2012 and 2016 games that I would have worked with a sports psychologist or therapist so that I could have got my fears out and tackled them head on rather than let them weigh me down,” Mikulak said.
The Olympian’s journey to find mental rest from the gym was a series of trial and error. One tactic he pursued for many years was meditation, but he later manipulated it into a goal-driven gymnastics task, which essentially defeated the purpose.
Other mindless activities, such as video games and watching television, stirred a sense of guilt and laziness in the gymnast. That is where Mikulak discovered the root of his problems: drive for unattainable perfection.
“I was trying to be that perfect role model and live that perfect life. ” Mikulak said “After a while, I started not knowing who I was.”
His battle with self-identity was most apparent when he announced his retirement back in August. His fear, like many elite gymnasts, was the foreign territory of life after gymnastics.
But through therapy and self-reflection, Mikulak has discovered his values and purpose outside the gym walls.
One way Mikulak has learned to successfully ground himself is by having unconditional gratitude for the sport and the platform he has been given despite any failures. As he continues to train for Tokyo before his retirement, the gymnast reminds himself of his supporters and his appreciation for the chance to compete at this level.
Now, with a platform of his own, Mikulak continues to be an advocate for mental health in the gymnastics world and hopes to see young athletes find what he once needed.
“We’re in a great place now,” Mikulak concluded during the panel. “But there are so many places we can go in the future for mental health, receiving therapy, and destigmatizing it.”
If you missed the live panel featuring Mikulak, Gluckstein, and Renteria, you can watch the full conversation below.
